The History of UFW's Fed-controlled Jobber, Roody Poo!
As re-told by Layeth the Smack Down
Guaranteed 99% truth
- Roody Poo (initially controlled by a real-life handler who's sole purpose in life was to win titles with Roody Poo in UFW) comes to UFW in a blaze of... well... ignominy.
- Roody Poo attempts to make his mark (not that sort of mark, or the other sort of mark either) in UFW by immediately challenging the Heavyweight Champion of the time to a match, any match, just to prove that he can kick anyone's ass in UFW. (hey, the ban has been lifted on the word ass in posts.. whoohoooo! Now I can post while drinking a glass of water, or talk about the classic feuds of time gone by in UFW)
- The then Heavyweight Champion, being the kind soul that he is, tries to encourage Roody Poo to expand his horizons beyond a two syllable challenge. Roody Poo hits back in severe retaliation with a devastating one line post, which included no less than a threat to kick the Heavyweight Champion's ass!
- The Heavyweight Champ persisted in the endeavour (most would say he was wasting his time) of bringing Roody Poo up to being able to write an interesting promo, only to be continuously insulted by repeated one line threats to kick his ass (there's that ass word that used to be banned word again.. whooohoooo!)
- The Heavyweight Champ decides to try a different tactic, and sends Roody Poo in pursuit of the elusive Smoke (handled by the infamous Geno Casterlin), with a mission to overcome Smoke's dreaded Limp Wrist Lock of doom finishing move. Roody Poo, in one of his first losses, fell to that very move, and has had trouble with certain personal intimate bodily functions ever since Smoke bent his wrist just that little bit too far in an effort to get the tap out. Smoke didn't realise that poor Roody couldn't tap out, because Smoke had one hand in the submission hold, and Roody was busy biting down on the other one in an effort to block out the pain.
- The referee stopped the match, and poor Roody was carted out on a stretcher, having lost the match and being one of the first on the roster to put Smoke over, he retired to seclusion, only coming out once a week to do the job in a match, so that he could afford to feed himself and his pet rock. The damage to his wrists from the match with Smoke ensured that Roody never was able to cut any sort of promos back to the then Heavyweight Champ again.
- Time passed, and Roody Poo (now a fed-controlled jobber) soldiered on, jobbing in UFW week after week, putting over everyone who asked, and slipped him 50 bucks in an unmarked envelope.
- Many jobs later (at 50 bucks a pop from roster members, plus 25 bucks a pop from UFW), and Roody had saved up enough for the new miracle surgery required to repair the damage done to his wrists by Smoke during that fateful match. Roody, now able to operate a keyboard safely, starts cutting promos again. The time he has spent in seclusion has left him with much sharper wit and intellect, but a somewhat bitter attitude (suspected due to the lack of being able to perform certain natural personal functions during the period of damaged wrists).
- Roody Poo continues jobbing to just about every new roster member in a losing streak only to be broken later on by Lightning Kid.
- UFW decides to reward the master of the Poo Bomb for months of tireless service (rivalled only by the Brooklyn Brawler/Steve Lombardi and Mario Mancini of WWF fame) in putting over others by holding Roody Poo Night. Many jobs done by Roody Poo in the past were reciprocated on this day by grateful UFW roster members, most notably top 10 star and future Heavyweight Champion, Insomniac!
- Roody Poo night comes and goes, with Roody Poo compiling a massive 11 wins, 35 losses, including one to Bob the Chair (Ed Novak's "valet").
- Roody Poo's aunt dies in his arms after being run over during the infamous car chase series between Ed Novak and Myst.
- Roody Poo tries valiantly (with some assistance from the handler of Mike Nightmare) to raise his stock in UFW, enough to get a win, but is unsuccessful until....
- Roody Poo goes on to win the UFW Heavyweight Title during a match in which he was referee. Both champion Layeth the Smack Down and challenger Mike Nightmare were knocked out cold, and in a move blatantly stolen from the WWF, Roody pinned both men and made the three-count himself, then declared himself champion. Sadly, he lost it two days later to Mike Nightmare.
- A few days later, at Ring Rage 2000 (Sunday, April 30, 2000), Roody issued the following statement:
Roody Poo - This is crazy! I proved to the world that I am no jobber by winning the world title last week, and this week after losing it to Mike Nightmare under extremely dubious circumstances, I don't even crack it for a match at the Ring Rage PPV! I should be in the Main Event, no questions asked! Well, that's it. You guys are going to pay for this. I'm going to see that every match has a little bit of Roody, so that everyone will know that Ring Rage 2000 was in fact Roody Rage 2000!
- Thus followed a series of events rivalled only by South Park, where Roody Poo was killed while attempting to interfere in each match of the event. This event also marked the death of Insomniac, who overcome by grief at having jobbed to Roody on Roody Poo Night, shot and missed Roody from the rafters with a sniper rifle, but was immediately taken out by security, who shot him dead, after which he fell out of the rafters and landed on Roody Poo, killing him as well.
- Roody Poo's ghost made a number of appearances afterward, but the mantle of fed-controlled jobber had been well and truly passed to Lightning Kid, so no resurrection ever eventuated.
